Triggerfish Tuesday – 2026 Opens with Bloodthirst a 7-Year-Old Menace… and Outdoor Chess in the Rain
The first Triggerfish Tuesday of 2026 started slow and steady… which, in retrospect, was obviously a lie. Sven announced he was “rusty,” then immediately arrived with his usual bloodthirst and zero mercy. Clive was unfortunate enough to be first in the queue. The official victim report reads:
“I got annihilated by Sven in the first two games and crushed in the third.”
We’re counting that last game as emotional recovery.
Fanie arrived to investigate the Tuesday scene and walked straight past Naomi — who was very deliberately not playing chess. Instead, she was having drinks with her MTG buddies who also happened to be at Triggerfish this Tuesday. (Have they followed us from The Warren? Questions were raised.) One of them is the ClashOTB developer, whom Naomi enthusiastically introduced to every single human who passed within arm’s reach. Chess avoided. Networking absolutely maxed.
Charlie soon arrived, spotted Fanie, and immediately challenged him to a game — then did what Charlie does best: lured him outside onto the verandah. Despite the rain. Despite logic. The two sat stubbornly playing chess while being gently rained on, proving once again that Helderberg Chess Club will play chess anywhere, anytime, as long as a proper battle is on the table. ♟️🌧️
Simone arrived with the triplets, who launched straight into joyful chaos and exploration. Meanwhile, little Evan quietly revealed that he had returned from Mzanzi severely overpowered. Naomi, confident she could easily handle a seven-year-old, soon discovered she was fighting for her life. Evan thought for 15 minutes per move, so she put him on a 10-minute clock… which somehow made everything worse. Evan beat her on time, while also being better on the board. A complete, public, reputation-shattering humiliation.
Sven, equally stunned, admitted Evan actually had a winning position against him as well. The verdict is in: we may be hosting future GM material. Naomi, licking her wounds and her pride, immediately retreated to her MTG safe space and refused to touch another chessboard for the rest of the evening.
While she sulked, Sven was roped into a mini-simul, convincingly beating a German contender while playing Evan at the same time. Evan, tragically reunited with the clock, lost — much to his outrage. His mom eventually had to physically remove him, otherwise he would’ve signed up to challenge the entire venue.
Summary
🩸 Sven got “rusty” and immediately started collecting victims.
♟️ Clive got annihilated twice and emotional closure once.
🍺 Naomi got drinks, MTG, and aggressive networking instead of chess.
🕵️ Fanie got challenged, and lured into the rain.
🌧️ Charlie got outdoor verandah chess and zero concern for weather or sanity.
🧠 Evan got upgraded at Mzanzi and came back as a full-blown boss fight.
⏱️ Evan got put on a clock, hated it deeply, and still traumatized adults.
😶 Naomi got beaten by a seven-year-old and immediately rage-quit chess.
🔥 Sven got dragged into a simul and survived… barely.
🚪 Evan got forcibly removed before declaring war on the entire room.
A chaotic, humbling, rain-soaked start to 2026 — and without question, a Classic Triggerfish Tuesday.
